Parenting

Games can teach children the spirit of cooperation.

2008-08-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

Learning through play

Games can teach children the spirit of cooperation.

Young children play games mainly for fun. Many children's games help them learn to problem-solve, and develop motor and language skills. However, competition is often the focus of most games our children play.

Childhood games such as musical chairs or cat-and-mouse emphasise on winning. At the end of the game, those who lose will be sidelined and often feel like failures.

Children need games that focus on getting along and playing as a team. Instead of pushing or trying to outdo each other, children can also enjoy games that require them to

help one another achieve success. Children as young as two years of age can care and feel for others.

The game of musical chairs, often played at children's parties, can be upsetting to those who get eliminated because they did not sit on a chair when the music stopped.

This game focuses on who ends up as the winner and does not centre on children's involvement. Children would shove and push one another to get a seat so that they can win.

Parents should consider games that are not only fun but encourage children to be part of a community. While we are eager to get our children t,o develop competitive skills, we do not want them to trample on others along the way.

Children can learn from an early age that they garner more from helping others to succeed than concentrating on self-gain only.

Here are some suggestions on how to make games less competitive and teach children to be more cooperative:

Musical chairs

Tell children that this game will require them to work together to find a place for everyone. They can be creative in the way they all sit together.

Set up two lines of chairs for as many children there are in the game. As the music plays, the children will walk around the chairs.

Remove one chair before the music stops. Everyone will find a place for one another to

sit down. They can share their seats. By the end of the game, when there is only one chair left, children can decide what they want to do so everyone can still be together.

Mother, may I?

The whole family can play this game. For starters, a parent can take the lead by giving

out the instructions. All the other players will stand a distance from the parent. One by

one, each player will ask: "Mother, may 1?"

The parent will say, "Yes, you may. Take a baby (small) step/mama (medium) step/papa

(large) step."

As each player approaches the parent, she/he gives him a peck on the cheek. The last

player gets a big hug to end the game. Everyone applauds when the last player reaches the parent. This game is great fun for very young children and pre-schoolers.

Eeney Teeny Miney Moe

A game of tag on the reverse. The "key" player, who has his eyes closed, will choose

from the circle of players by chanting, "Eeney Teeny Miney Moe!”

If his or her finger is on a player, he will touch the other person's hand. If the key player can tell who the person is, the other person will take over his place. Everyone gets a turn to be the key player.

I '8' it

This is a game of cooperation for a group of nine children. One player becomes the storyteller and tells a story, such as "I went to the market and bought home a big fish. I

placed the fish on my dining table, and then I went to take a shower. When I got back, all I found was a fish bone on the table. I wonder who did it?"

Each player sitting in a rowwill use a number in his reply, "1 'one' it" until the last player says, "1 'eight' (sounds like ate) it." Children in their late pre-school years and early primary school years enjoy playing this story-telling game immensely. Each child can tell his or her own story.

Mirror, mirror

This is a game for partners to imitate each other's movements as quickly as possible, A more challenging version for older children is to eliminate the leader, Players are to

move and simultaneously mimic each other.

The gift box

Make a gift box with a mirror inside it. Have the children sit in a circle. As each of

them open the lid and look inside the box, they will marvel at the wonderful present that awaits them.

Each player has to say something nice about what is inside without revealing what they see. Of course, each player gets to see his or her own image.

A great game for primary school-age children who often make negative remarks about themselves.

Picky eaters can develop problems in growth and development, including social and academic performance.

2008-08-10T07:39:00.001-07:00

Trouble eating

Picky eaters can develop problems in growth and development, including social and academic performance.

Most mothers will agree that it is nerve-wracking when their child refuses to eat or is extremely fussy about food. Beside normal weight gain, meeting the nutritional needs of the child is the other main concern.

“Probably the most universal complaint of parents is that their child is not eating the

food, or amount of food, offered," said Prof Dr Mauro Fisberg, paediatric nutritionist and head of the paediatrics department at Federal University of Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Dr Fisberg was invited by PaediaSure Complete (Abbott Nutrition) to come to Kuala

Lumpur recently to share his expertise on the latest developments on picky eating and other feeding problems.

An author of six books on children's eating disorders, Dr Fisberg said that in general,

paediatric clinics record about 10% to 25% of children as being picky eaters.

"Picky eating is becoming a major concern because it can contribute to under-nutrition,

(thus) impairing children's growth and development which includes social and academic

performance as well," he said.

Studies have shown that picky eating can lead to growth complications, increased chronic illness and increased risk of developing eating disorders later in life.

In some cases, picky eating may also cause short-term nutritional deficiencies and produce life-long implications such as social and emot ona problems including aversion

to touch, lethargy or lack of interest in playing or learning.

There is no standard definition of picky eating but researchers typically examine a variety of factors, including nutrient intake composition, a veight of child, food volume

and duration of refusal.

These childmn also tend to eat small amounts, prefer only selected foods such as carbohydrates or dairy products, avoid trying new foods and take a long time to eat their meals.

There is usnally a combination of reasons for picky eating, including physiological factors such as appetite, genetics and growth, Psychological issues such as the struggle for autonomy, changing emotions and moods, and level of affection or adverse interaction between mother and child could also lead to the problem.

Children also go through picky eating phases.

"We do not know why a child who has been eating the same food for a fow months simply refuses to eat it the next day," said Dr Fisberg,

However, he said a majority of picky eaters take after examples set by their parents at home, as many studies indicate that food rejection is a learnt behaviour in almost all cases.

"However, contrary to what many people think, we cannot solve problems of poor appetite in a day or even a week," he said.

"It all starts with recognising that the child has a right to preferences and aversions, Forcing a child to eat what he does not like is not going to make things better. Make a list of his or her preferences and every week, add two new types of food," he advised.

Dr Fisberg said sometimes the use of oral supplements was important to maintain balanced nutrition in children.

Dr Pedro Alarcon, paediatric gastroenterc ogist and international medical director wit

Abbott Nutrition, said a 2003 study conduc in Taiwan and the Philippines showed that nutritional supplementation increased not only the weight but also the height of children.

The study was done on 92 children aged three to five who were classified as picky eaters. The children were separated into two groups and monitored for three months. One group only received nutritional counseing while the other, nutritional counselling combine with nutritional supplement.

After 60 days, the second group of children recorded significant weight gain compareu to the first. Both groups also recorded increases in height.

"That was surprising for us too because we were only expecting weight gain," he said.

In a year, said Dr Alarcon, a child roughly gains 3cm in height but the children in the study gained more than half of that within three months.

Overall, 28% of children in the second group developed upper respiratory infections

compared to 51% in the group which only received nutritional counselling.

"Nutrition in the future will not only target, weight, height and less illness m children, but also more body immunity, brain development or even stronger gastrointestinal defence." said Dr Alarcon.

In another study headed by Dr Fisberg in 2002 on children aged three to five. adding synbiotics (prebiotics and probiotics) to oral supplements showed that there were more sick days recorded in groups which did not take synbiotics. The period of the study was four months.

"Paediatric oral supplementation should be considered as part of a comprehensive strategy when dealing with picky eating to prevent children from becoming undernourished." said Dr Alarcon.

Dr Fisberg said probably the most prescribed solution by doctors for picky eating is

appetite stimulants, mainly to avoid mothers forcing their children to eat.

"l would not recommend that because the stimulants probably work for one or two weeks only, after which the body will adapt to it," he said, adding that vitamin supplements should only be recommended if the child has a specific vitamin deficiency.

Dr Alareon added that picky eating in children below one year old is rare and thus should be checked to ensure there were no other health problems.

After one year, a child may also develop some picky eating because that was when they achieve autonomy and have new habits and ability, hence become less interested in food, said Dr Fisberg, adding that weight gain may slow down at that time too.

Generally, when should patents be concerned that their child is having a picky eating problem?

"Usually one month is enough to rule out other possibilities such as medical problems

and to see if the picky eating problem is serious," said Dr Fisberg, who also anchors a television programme called Body Sciences on Oniversiry TV in San Paulo.

Positive reinforcement

Tips to cultivate healthy eating habits:

Avoid distractions during mealtime.
Adopt a neutral attitude-do not pressure a child to eat.
Encourage appetite by limiting snacks and balancing food portions.
Limit duration of meal time.
Provide age-appropriate foods.
Introduce new foods to a child gradually and regularly.
Encourage children to eat independently-do not spoonfeed a child who is old enough to use utensils.
Allow children to make a mess when they eat.

How to keep the family together through life's crises.

2008-08-10T07:23:00.000-07:00

A united front
How to keep the family together through life's crises.

The typhoon in Myanmar and earthquake in China in May, brought in their wake widespread destruction and death to hundreds of thousands of people. As we hear the news from thousands of kilometres away, can we even begin to imagine the despair of the affected families?

Many of us are thankful that we have never experienced such tragedy, andbelieve that the chancgs of facing similar misfortunes are unlikely. But in today's uncertain
times, what guarantee do we have?

There are many crises in life that can tear families apart. Natural disasters, accidents, job loss, financial downfall and serious illnesses can catch us unawares.

If your family is faced with a crisis, how would it withstand the challenges? What are some of the ways you can prepare your family to remain together in the face of adversity?

Spend time together
Families that spend time together are more likely to he dose-knit and secure, In today's busy society, parents need to enforce more family time right from the start, to build strong relationships with their children.

Many parents who lead busy lives would argue that the quality of time spent with their children is more important than the quantity.

But Dr James Dobson, author and family advocate, begs to differ: "Both quality and quantity are important in many areas of our lives, including how we relate to our children. They need our time and the best we have to give them."

Families ought to set aside regular times during the week to be with each other, Time spent together doing fun activities will help to foster a deeper love for one another.

A family secured by love is determined to stay together, no matter how difficult things may get, So whether it is playing a board game, going to the mall, or sharing stories, be sure to have family times regularly.

Meaningful communication
Technology has made communication in today's society easier and faster, but it has not improved the quality of communication. More and more, our communication with one
another has been reduced to threeline e-mails and text messages.

A common sight in homes: the children are engaged in various forms of media such as the computer, television or video game console, while the parents work late intothe night, There is hardly any time for meaningful conversations. Is it any wonder then that families drift apart during trials, rather than cling to one another for support?

How can parents have meaningful communication with their children? Parents can begin by asking their children regularly how their day was, while carefully listening to
underlying positive or negative emotions.

Often we hear the words but fail to listen to how the words are said. A child answers in a morose tone that his or her day was "fine," but in a hurry, the parent assumes that all is well.

In reality, children often need parents to prod them to open up and share honestly. Parents need to be patient during this time, and show a genuine interest in hearing what their child has to say, Since communication is a two-way process, parents have to be sure that they are sharing personally about their lives as well.

The tumultuous years of adolescence are marked by rebellion, apathy and emotional turmoil.

Most parents would attest that trying to communicate with their children during such times can be frustrating and discouraging, Instead of talking excitedly like they used to do, all parents hear are monosyllabic replies such as "Maybe" '1 dunno" or "Who cares?"

It is important for parents to continue to keep the lines of communication open. In time, teenagers will no longer be teenagers; and if parents are still there for them, they will begin communicating again.

Managing conflicts
As families deal with minor problems and difficulties in the course of everyday life, it will prepare them for bigger crises that may come along. Even the strongest of families can fall apart at the Onset of a tragedy or unexpected crisis, what more a family which has had no experience in dealing with minor issues in life.

Parents tend to hide personal problems at work from their children. But by sharing with the children, parents can encourage the family to be there for one another and to talk through issues together. As parents model to children the value of sharing personal conflicts and difficulties, children will also learn to do the same.

Learning to deal with conflicts together will give the family a sense of unity, and teach them the importance of helping one another through difficult circumstances. Family members will know that they are not alone in their problems.

Conflicts and hardship build character, and teach children important values such as perseverance and patience, Dealing with problems together also teaches them to be less self-centred, and to show concern for others.

There are circumstances in life that are beyond our control. How we handle difficult situations is up to us. We can choose to despair and lose sight of what is important, or
we can rise up to the challenge and remain hopeful.

The Buzz on Parents

2007-03-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

You thought the kids were mean and cliquish...all of us (parents) are inevitably going to get into conflict with other adults about our children. Some things, like cliques, influence whether we go through problems well or badly.

The silent treatment. Whispered gossip. Cliques. For those who thought they'd left such torments behind in adolescence, becoming a parent can mean enduring them again.

Rosalind Wiseman, a 36-year-old educator whose 2002 best-seller Queen Bees and wannabees deconstructed the minefield that is middle school, has written Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads (Crown), a field guide for adults.

The book, published this month, explores the treacherous terrain of what she calls Perfect Parent World. It proposes techniques parents can use to navigate relationships with each other and with the teachers, coaches and counsellors who, the book's ominous subtitle notes, can “make-or break-your child's future.

Meet the intrusive “Hovercraft Mom' and the “Starbucks and Sympathy” type whose solicitousness masks her true goal: intelligence-gathering. Fathers do not escape, particularly the Kingpin Dad, who's used to calling the shots.

Wiseman translates coded messages parents use-like the fatuous “My biggest priority is my children”- and provides useful scripts for handling common problems: the control freaks who have commandeered the PTA, the bullying coach who refuses to play your child, the one-upping parent who asks what you're doing to secure a place for your child in the gifted and talented programme-or at Harvard. Following are excerpts from a recent question-and-answer sesion with the author:

When should parents confront each other?

2007-03-27T09:10:00.000-07:00

I get that it's important to pick your battles, but at a certain point you do have to pick a battle. The thing is that you really must demand of yourself and other people that they treat each other civilly. Parents should not be allowed to be in a parent meeting and get away with treating other people badly.

You need to strategise about when and where you speak to the person, because that's just as important as the content of your breaking down how you articulate when things are going wrong for you, what you don't like, what you need, and then actually doing it.

If you don't speak up, then the parent who is being rude or uncivil sets the agenda for the school, because your voice is not there demanding civility. If we want our kids to stand up, we've got to do it ourselves.

What are the biggest mistakes parents make in dealing with other adults, such as teachers and coaches?

2007-03-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

Parents should not act like everything is a life-and-death problem-from a bad grade to not playing on the team to not getting a part in the play. If somebody is going to die in the next five minutes, then you move. If not, then you sit down and you figure out what you are going to do.

Teachers often feel like parents do not respect their professionalism. That makes them feel mad and unsafe. They do not like parents who threaten them with a lawsuit, who fight the fights for their kid, or who thing that whatever has happened to their child trumps everything else.

What factors make it hard for parents to communicate with each other?

2007-03-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

In Washington, the issues of race and social class are really complex and very alive, but no one talks about it. Religion can be a filter. Even these humongous houses people live in can be a filter.

From my conversations with parents, what emerges is that there's a really unspoken thing going on between white parents and black parents, and parents from other countries.

There's an assessment by a lot of (non-white) people I've heard which is, “I don't trust white parents because they don't know how to get their kids under control.” white parents often think black parents are too hard on their own kids.

Too often these differences are never discussed, or even acknowledged.

How do baby boomer parents differ from Gen X parents in their attitudes toward conflict?

2007-03-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

Boomer parents want a feel-good answer that solves the problem with no messiness. They don't want their kid to experience pain. Their issues are more about not wanting to say no to their children.

Gen X parents have a herd mentality that you really see when it comes to technology. They don't ever question why you shouldn't have it or whether it's a good thing for their kid to be using, like a cellphone.

The one thing about Gen X people is that they feel like they can become experts on any subject if they read it on the computer. They go into the school and they have become an expert on anything, their attitude is, “I read it, therefore it's true, and I now know more than you do even though you've been working with kids for 15 years.”

What is the Queen Bee Mom and the Kingpin Dad?

2007-03-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

The Queen Bee Mom is highly socially and academically intelligent. She can make you do things and you don't it because it's so subtle-often in the guise of bing complimentary. She's appropriately dressed, often in the conservative style, but not dowdy. She's effortlessly perfect. Queen Bees can be amazing leaders, but they always have to be in control of everything.

A Kingpin Dad does not come to things at the school unless he is mad about something or it's a politically advantageous thing for him to do, like the school auction. He takes up room. If he's a lawyer, he thinks that threatening a lawsuit is an excellent way to resolve conflict.

Who joins a mom clique and why?

2007-03-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

This is not about mean girls growing up to be mean moms, but rather about how all of us are inevitably going to get into conflict with other adults and how things like groups influence whether we go through problems well or badly.

What i see with mom cliques is that they are most prevalent with women who used to work and went home because they wanted to make this sacrifice for their children. I think many of them feel that they lost their public voice when they left their work, and our culture doesn't respect women's voices when they are at home as much as when they are at work.

So they miss those feelings of respect, of confidence, the feeling that their voice matters. And when they're in a fight with a teacher or a coach or another parent, they are fighting for a sense of being a competent person.

I went up against some of those moms and it was scary-it was one of the few times i didn't want to continue my work.

Dads are very much in groups, but they are less likely because of work to be in a clique.

What is Perfect Parent World?

2007-03-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

Although many adults don't realise it, peer pressure is just as pervasive for parents as it is for kids. Perfect Parent World is a set of behaviours, a construct, about things you have to be and how you conduct yourself. That symbolises that you are a good parent, that you belong to the group and that your opinion matters.

Sometimes being part of Perfect Parent World is having a powerful job. But what you see in communities outside of Washington or Boston or Chicago is that there's this whole thing about women who don;t have to work. Then the hierarchy is that the woman who works is lower than the woman who doesn't.

Some things are the same in Perfect Parent World. You have to be thin, no matter how many pregnancies you have. And you have to have the right kind of car.

Babies can learn words as early as 10 months

2007-02-24T04:18:00.001-08:00

A two-year-old can quickly link an object whether a flashy rattle or boring latch- to a word. Even a one-year-old can follow a parent's gaze to an object and match it with a word being spoken. But although anecdotal evidence seems to show that babies younger than one year learn words, it remains unclear whether they are in fact mastering language.

Now a new study reveals that 10-month-old infants can link words and objects, but only if the object is already interesting to them.

Psychologist Kathy Hirsh-Pasek of Temple University and her colleagues tested 44 infants for the ability to learn words. The infants averaged an understanding of nearly 14 words already, according to their mothers.

But the researchers paired four novel objects - a blue sparkle wand and a white cabinet latch, a pink party clacker and a beige bottle opener - with four nonsensical words - modi, glorp, dawnoo and blicket - to test their ability to associate new words with new objects.

Sitting on their mothers' laps, the infants were exposed to the objects. First, they were allowed to play with an interesting and boring object pair followed by seeing the two objects placed on a rotating board. This was done to assess which object was more interesting to the babies and, as expected, they preferred the brightly-coloured, noisy ones.

Then the researchers placed the two objects on a table in front of the infant. If the baby was in one group, the experiment leader pointed to the interesting object and labelled it with one of the nonsense words. If the baby was a member of the other group, the researcher pointed to the boring object and labelled it with the same nonsense word. Regardless of the researchers efforts, the infants looked at the object they found interesting.

But subsequent tests showed that the babies were also learning to associate it with the nonsense word.

For example, when exposed to a new nonsense word, the babies would look away from the interesting object and search for a new one. Then the researchers returned to the original world and, surprisingly, 80% of the infants returned to looking at the original object.

This marks the first time such young infants have been shown experimentally to associate a word-even a made-up one-with an object but, in contrast with their older peers, only one that they found interesting.

"Ten-month-olds simply 'glue's a label onto the most interesting object they see," notes Shannon Pruden, a doctoral student and lead author of the study to appear in the journal Child Development.

"Perhaps this is why children learn words faster when parents look at and name objects the infants already find interesting."

This inability to link social cues, words and objects may also explain why early word learning is so slow but accelerates rapidly around the age pf 18 months.

"The 18-month-old is a social sophisticate who can tap into the speaker's mind and the vast mental dictionary that the adult has to offer," adds Hirsh-Pasek.

"At 10 months, they just cannot take the speaker's perspective into consideration."